i am a mother... it's strange to state it... I AM A MOTHER...
i've been living it for 38 days now... with all the blessings and back-aches... with all the sleepless nights and days as well...
yet again... i feel like i am living in a dream... going through a roller coaster... things are moving too fast for me to... to have a grip on.... somtimes i feel i am losing it!!!
but now, i shall start my diaries as a new mother... deep inside i feel that something must've change yet i don't feel pretty much changed of the same crazy gal who once wrote here about el osta oncle 3ezzat...
let's keep track of it and see if i really have lost that girl or if i just turned her into a crazy mother :D

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Double-Anniversary...

today October 1st 2007 i celebrate two diff. anniversaries... well actually both are not today... but today i felt like writing both down...
last Tuesday (and today is Monday) was my 3rd anniversary with my lover (my husband now) on 25-9-2004 he told me the smashing crashing three words for the first time... "i love you"
and two days from now (that's 3-10-2007) we'll be married for FIVE months... i can't believe it still... the man i loved ... the only man i loved... is mine...MINE. i still can't grab this whole idea yet... but i wish we'll be as happy, if not more, forever and ever and ever. for we were almost at two different extremes and we were not likely to fall in love in the first place not to mention falling in love with each other.
Youssef... i love you with all my heart... i love our life together no matter how different from the silky rosey pedstall i'd expect or dream of having sometimes...

Congress!!!

standing, kafya 7'ery shary, in my little kitchen... erasing the traces of the hurricane that hit the place earlier... wearing my mobile's headphone...cause huba-huba is sleeping (no wonder it was 5:30a.m)...when it hit me... the headline in the news just striked me...
2al 2eeh 7'er Allahum eg3aluh 7'eer ya3ny...Nour El Malky encourages Iraqi parliament to take a quick FORMAL decision about the congress DECISION concerning deviding Iraq into three separate-sub-countries under fedral authority...
and i was like... ya lahwee yamaaah...
tab w leeh yet3ibu nafsuhum y ya7'do decision men asasuh... mahy el set el waldah 2amet bel wageb w shwayaaaah...la2 shwayeteen talatah....
i couldn't believe myself and i had to see it with my own eyes on the news and moreover elly 7ara2 dam ahly aktar...
iran dispised the congress decision...
iran elly la nakata laha wala gamal fil mawdo3... maybe deplomatic affairs... maybe neighbouring affairs... but not HOME AFFAIRS...
belzimah mesh deh musibah sudah...???
ana etfala2t 7'alaaaaas...
w karart el 2edrab... w haffattar Youssef Koushary 7edadan 3ala el karamah al 3arabyah...

Did man invent time?

i have been reading a novel in which this idea was brought up...
it was about a plane crash and the rescue procedures... and the main female character wondered why did man invent time....
so that made me think... Did man invent time?
i came up with this thought... man invented the segments of time to which we refer... man divided time into weeks and days... man divided time into seconds and hours.... man gave time a physical meaning... something we can measure....
but time had a metaphysical meaning even before man was smart enough to know it...
but the question is... why did man tear life-up into smaller segments....
Have not you ever been late for something and wished you had just one more minute...
have you never been in an exam and felt that time is passing faster than it usually does?
or waiting for something and thought the clock might be stuck or something?
yes, man invented portions and divisions of time... but the invention really required is... a potion that makes our nerval systems respond to those divisions equally...
man divided time to hold on to the most of life as much as possible...
prehistorically, people were born, people lived, ate, drank, mated and died... they didn't know and didn't care how old any of them was or how long they lived...
they didn't record who the eldest person on earth was and put it in Guineas.
as time went by, and during ages when life mattered more than just eat and mate... or so we thought... how long and how longer meant two different things...
to live to the maximum is what matters now not to just survive...
so we have to grap life to the maximum divisions of it...
it's not that much important for normal people if a nanosecond means one over ten to the power minus 9 part of a second...
people divided time in order to find excuses why they didn't do what they had to do...
"Why didn't you finish your homework?"
"there's only 24 hours a day!"
people divided time to escape the truth...
"Why didn't you finish your homework?"
"I was playing with my pals"
people divided time to...create things they can regret and forget easily...
if only we have much time,we'd have studied better...
but there's always next year, next semester, next millennium,...
excuses, lies, regrets and easy ways out... tomorrow is another day...
but what is tomorrow ?
what is yesterday?
time... in fact... as i figured it out...is just but smaller parts of us...
if days really measured how long we lived... then, seconds and hours are pieces of us... slipping away ... like grains of sand in our palms...
but memories... r more solid parts of us... they never slip away... and from which there's no hiding place... like my favourite song says...

Let me rest my head on your shoulder...

right now runs in my head a good poem of one famous egyptian poet name Faroq Gweda. i guess he even published his poems in english. but anyhow this is the interpretation of the poem resounding in my mind.......

let me lay my head on you shoulder......for relief
for i am as much tired..........as you are
let go my name.....my address....what i was before
my years are suffocated by the silent roads.......
and i came to you.........i don't know why i came
behind that door......... rains follow me........
winter.....so cold... takes my breath away.......
footsteps.......with the colour of the night.....crushes me
i have no dears.......or a home to shelter me from the flood
i came to you....carried by the wind of despair towards faith
so shall i get some rest in your eyes?
or shall i depart with my sorrows.......
and does someone give......... for no price?...for no debt?...for no counting?
let me lay my head on your shoulder..........
for i am as much tired..........as you are
tomorrow we leave as we came.........
we may forget the glimering lights and colours
we may forget the humiliation of prison and the prisoner
we may look back for a time with no title.......
we may forget and we may forget.........
so we have nothing to remeber anymore..........
a tyrant era has taught us.......
that love is a king with no homeland.....
and the kingdomes of love are...ruins and tombs of depriving
and we don't care no more........
if days went long.......
or faded away with the flood....
it's just enough for us........
that we,one day rebelled against....sorrows.
and we lived our entire lives......... few hours
we didn't calculate the price...
we didn't get debted for.........
we didn't scale our emotions.......like all the others.......in how much and how many!!!!!!!!

Blog's Name

Tought me, what dreams were made of




each time we made love




she took me away




and i told her




each time i'd hold her.................

................................................

yes a fool believes,,,

what a fool denies



those are part of the lyrics of a great song of the famous Paul Anka


the voice and the words are not what i am about to talk about now. but the phrase that i chose to be my blogs name.

Only a Fool Believes...What a Fool Denies.

How so wise the words are... you deny something and you know it should not be denied and you believe your own.....illusion.

you believe something that you know you should deny but still you believe it.....fool!!

Music seem to .... control and impress my feelings or thoughts lately. i get too vulnerable to the meanings and the tones, the melodies and the lyrics. both arabic and english songs seem to touch something deep in me. lately more than ever.

maybe because i have gotten married and that has changed me a lot.

i'll speak more about that later on ISA nut right now let's focus on the name ...

only a fool believes

what a fool denies